Where did all the negativity in the world come from? We’re not born scared negative doubters. Many of us are victims of bullying. Taunts and labels thrown at us from childhood have subtle effects on us as we grow up. Sadly, we pick up these negative messages and repeat them to ourselves until the lies breathe life into us. Today’s episode sheds light on how we can be our worst enemy and our own biggest critic. Thankfully there are resources to turn this around. Brilliance Leadership Expert, Kevin Goins shares how we can manifest our own authentic self. By doing this, we not only own our brilliance, but define and own our entire life as well.
“When you believe in who you are, and then they see you, they’re going to buy into you, too.”- Kevin Goins
06:00 Made to Feel Worthless
09:23 Now I’m Ready!
15:20 The Fastest Way to be Authentic
19:44 How to Spot Authentic People
22:19 What It Means to Own Your Brilliance
25:01 Good People Make Mistakes
28:32 What Comes Up For You?
30:54 Reframe Your Life
01:38 “Most likely the cause of all the negativity comes from outside of ourselves and we’ve picked it up along the way. We’ve allowed these negative thoughts and feelings to grow to a point that we let them begin to define us.” –Arlene Gale
16:29 “Being authentic is showing vulnerability with little skill, but with humility and kindness” –Kevin Goins
18:18 “You have to share the good, the bad, and the ugly, because people don’t want to learn from somebody who’s perfect.” –Arlene Gale
24:15 “When they see you being authentic , they’re going to buy into you.”-Kevin Goins
27:24 “I’m a good person, I made a mistake.” –Kevin Goins
29:11 “When you ask the, ‘Why me?’ question, you will get an answer that can keep you stuck.” –Kevin Goins
Kevin Goins is a Brilliance Leadership Expert and dynamic speaker who can deeply connect with his audience. He also coaches entrepreneurs on how to increase their mindset and language in order to be impactful, influential, and authentic to produce powerful results. Kevin had a blossoming career as a pharmacist in 1995. He credits his success on the ability to tap into his own brilliance and authenticity to make an impact on others. Because of his influence, Kevin often serves as a liaison between some of the most challenging people within a team’s organization. He helps combat negative or limiting behaviours with his profound communication skills. After discovering and applying his own brilliance, Kevin now teaches others how to tap into their own brilliance and abilities through Brilliance Leadership Academy.
Arlene Gale: Welcome to Mindset Meets Mastery. Today we’re talking about the mindsets and myths around how sometimes we act as our own worst enemy and our own biggest critic, but the good news is don’t run away because we’ve got an expert today who’s going to share his insights and brilliance on how to stop these behaviors and start growing and owning our own brilliance. Before we get to him though, let’s set the stage. Let’s talk about the negative words that some of us may use that feed our negative feelings of self worth, for example. Did you ever wonder or try to stop and figure out where did all the negativity in the world come from? Because it seems like we see it and hear it in all walks of life across all topics. At least that’s what it seems like to me. So where did it come from? Where does it start? I mean, after all, babies aren’t born feeling bad about themselves. Babies aren’t born with a full vocabulary of belittling self-talk, they’re just not. Most likely the cause of all the negativity, and especially when it comes to being our own worst enemy or our own biggest critic comes from outside of ourselves, and we’ve picked it up along the way. We’ve allowed these negative thoughts and feelings to grow to a point that they begin to define us, and define how we live, or how we react to other people, or to our circumstances. It’s either our parents, other family members and friends, coworkers, schoolmates, someone along the path of our lives did the name calling, and that hurt. Someone else may have thrown these stones at us with the labels like not good enough. You’re never going to be good enough. You’re unlovable. You’re too tall. You’re too short. You’re too thin. You’re too fat. You’re too smart. You’re too dumb. You’re too rich. Or you’re too poor. Or you’re too white. And you’re too black.“Most likely the cause of all the negativity comes from outside of ourselves and we’ve picked it up along the way. We’ve allowed these negative thoughts and feelings to grow to a point that we let them begin to define us.” –Arlene Gale Click To Tweet
Whatever the stones of discouragement that were thrown at us, as if it wasn’t bad enough that they’re just thrown at us. To make matters worse, we reach out and we catch each one of those stones and we hang on to them. Now there’s no longer the need for the parent, or other family members, or friends, coworkers, schoolmates, or other bullies because that’s what they are, bullies. There’s no need for them to cast stones at us because now we hold them and we begin to repeat the negative messages over and over and over again to ourselves. We do that on our own. I know this sounds familiar to many of you because I hear it a lot when I’m out and about business conferences, when I speak or do workshops, when I ask people what keeps them from writing their book or writing their story, it’s often because they picked up somebody else’s language that they now use on themselves and use that to hold themselves back. When I ask people what keeps them from marketing their skills, or what might have been the cause of the setback that made them just flat out quit, it’s the negative reasoning that comes from the past. It’s from something, someone else said to them about them that they picked up and they continued to carry. That my friends is how we become our own worst enemy, but there’s hope. There’s hope. Hallelujah.
Today, I’m talking with an expert. His name is Kevin Goins of the Brilliance Leadership Academy. I’m just going to call him the brilliance coach, or a brilliant coach, either way, he’s brilliant. I got to tell you, I heard Kevin speak recently, and he is dynamic, but more important than that to me is that he is absolutely authentic. He spoke about some of these issues from his past and it resonated powerfully with the audience, and with me as part of that audience. That’s why I invited him to share his brilliance with us here today, but first, let me tell you a little bit about Kevin. He coaches business owners how to increase their mindset and language in order to be impactful, influential, and there’s that word again, AUTHENTIC, to produce powerful results. Kevin started his career as a pharmacist in 1995 where he was promoted quickly in the business. Kevin credits his success on the ability to tap into his own brilliance and authenticity to make an impact on others. Kevin is often asked to be the liaison between some of the most challenging people within a team’s organization. He works directly with them to quickly turn around negative or limiting behaviors with his profound communication skills. After discovering and applying his own brilliance, Kevin now teaches others how to tap into THEIR brilliance and their abilities through his Brilliance Leadership Academy. So please help me welcome and say hello to my friend Kevin Goins.
Kevin Goins: Hey, Arlene, how are you doing today?
Arlene Gale: I am awesome. Thank you so much for being here. So, Kevin, let’s start with this. You’ve always been brilliant, right?
Kevin Goins: Oh, God, no. So we just read that bio, I remember I went, it was SO NOT LIKE THAT, you hear me, NO. What you just say it about the labels, I’ve got my own label when I was about nine years old, that’s when I was bullied. I heard “nerd,” “geek”, uncle Tom, I was thinking, who’s uncle Tom? What does that mean? I had this weird intellect. I can literally walk in class, and just see the homework, or see whatever the teacher is teaching, and I can just spit it out and make A’s. So I had that behavior, never had to study, just I could just see it and put it out there, it made sense to me. And I had this point, a little body shape, so I kind of like scoliosis of the spine, it’s a little curve shape. So I was that funny looking kid as well, and God, had glasses too at some point. So all of that was working against me. So when you say where does that come from? I know where mine came from. I was made to feel worthless and as if I just didn’t even matter. I even told God, I think you made a mistake when you made me.
Arlene Gale: Wow. Well, but you teach brilliant. So I know this part of your story, but I want you to share it with the audience because you speak about brilliance, but you also speak exactly on what I was talking about earlier about, you picked up those stones, and you carried them around, and you start beating yourself up with them, didn’t you?
Kevin Goins: Oh, my God, for years. Cause let me tell ya, here’s the most interesting thing, in between constantly being bullied, and this actually happened. I was that guy who didn’t exactly fight back in me and trust me, I know who wants that label, nobody. But I didn’t say anything. I would be mad at myself, and mad at God because I kept hearing the phrase, God is good all the time. And all the time, God is good. But I would go home and say, but you’re not good to me. What are you doing? I don’t like this. I don’t like it at all. But in between, there would be times, even as a youngster, I kept hearing adults in different people say, “Oh, my God, you motivate me.” “Or you’re inspirational.” Long time ago, I knew, at some point I’d be a speaker, I used to tell my mom that around 13, and 14, when I got to be 18 she says: “Kevin, you’ve been talking about it in silence long enough. Are you going to be a pharmacist? Or you’re going to be a speaker.” And I looked at the labels, looked at the past, picked up my own bullying sticks, so to speak, and said: “I’m not doing that. I’m not good enough for that.” I’ll go ahead and put a white jacket on purpose, and I become a pharmacist. And for decades, I just did that. Still looking bad at speaking, but wondering, I don’t know if I can do that.
Arlene Gale: So what was it, was there a safety in being a pharmacist as opposed to going out on your own? What was it that made that choice for you?
Kevin Goins: Well, I’m going to keep it real. I was supposed to be a doctor because here’s another thing, have you ever heard or anybody ever told you, Oh, my kid is going to be adopted. Oh, he’s so smart. He’s going to be a lawyer. So I picked up that phrase, I’m going to be a doctor. And when I got to graduation in high school, the guidance counselor said: “Kevin, you’re going to be a doctor.” This is going to tell this, this, this. Are you sure. And with trepidation, recognizing, dude, I don’t even like blood. I realized, I picked up somebody else’s label. Now I’m gonna tell you this, you might want to consider pharmacy school cause we got one here. and that way if you become a doctor, like you say, then you can have the pharmacy, and you can actually prescribe medications, and you’re no pharmacology. But if you don’t go all the way to medical school, at least you could fall back on pharmacy. That’s how I got there.
Arlene Gale: Yeah. So it was a focus on the fall back plan.
Kevin Goins: Yes. And stayed in a fall back pain plan for years, not literally tapping into that brilliance.
Arlene Gale: So what would you say is the turning point that made you decide, okay, this is my dream, and it’s got to get real, and it’s gotta get it now.
Kevin Goins: Look, after eight years of peeking inside a toastmasters, and growing up, there was good. It just wasn’t enough. And going to all the different conferences, what I did is I actually met coach. Now she is a speaking coach, and when she saw me, she didn’t see nerd, geek, uncle Tom. And for those who may not know, that’s a black person trying to act like they’re being white. But she said: “No, no, no, Kevin, I see evidence of greatness in you. I see evidence even of myself. In fact, I see evidence of brilliance.” And when that person showed me how to, my coach, she showed me how to reframe how I once saw myself hiding, embarrassed to tell people like, Oh, yeah, I didn’t have the Brady Bunch story, I had the bullying story, yeah, I was so embarrassed to tell that. But when she showed me how to repackage it, and they begin to offer their backup to the world in my own unique way, and it will help other people if I stopped looking at it this way and began to see the brilliance, the beauty, and the wonder in between the lessons learned that were brilliance, when I saw that, that’s what it said: “Okay, now I’m ready to go. Now I’m ready to run at speed. And that’s why I also now coach people as well.”
Arlene Gale: Well, and so, we talk about authenticity so you’ve made this decision to go from point A to point B, from pharmacy to speaking and coaching and out on your own. So now life is all rainbows and unicorns for you, right? It’s all easy.
Kevin Goins: Absolutely not. Oh, my God, as I yelled the best of both worlds. So I got one foot in one point and one foot in the other point, and I’m going: “God, get me out of this. What are we doing?” It’s beautiful because when you’re finally looking inside, and here’s what happens, when you’re really tapping into your brilliance, you’ve got to go back and look at that thing and say, where did that somewhere, somehow maybe participate in my own life. You see, we oftentimes look at everybody else as the outside trigger, and we look at them going, YOU DID THIS TO ME. YOU HURT ME. I can’t believe this happened. But I had to go back and look and say: “Kevin, where could you have changed something?” “Or how could you have seen this differently, sooner, quicker, faster?” “Or what did this do to you?” Because at the end of the day, you got to say, okay, now it’s happened. Now what am I going to do with this? Because I can’t pretend like it’s not there. See, opportunity for years, there was not there, hiding under the white jacket, but still HURTING behind the pain. I’m telling people, your cough medicine is — and yes, equally inside, wishing I had to re-frame and have a different past. I don’t want that. Can I get another one please? And the answer was always no. So I had a choice. Do I block out years of my life and pretend it didn’t happen? Which, how can you be authentic doing that? Or do I really own all of myself? Both the parts that I love and the parts that are easy for me, as well as owning that part I didn’t like, that part that hurt me. The part where I even put myself down, even when they stopped, and say: “You know what? You’ve got to own all of it.” And when I could do that and own my entire life, the beauty AND the ugly part, the beast, so to speak, and it became easier to help other people do the same because now Kevin, what are the lessons you get between here? Oh, I know, what they say is really not who I am. Oh, I know that thing inside the part that really probably my own to be greatness, and my own ability to speak, and actually come in a state, that the choice of me. Oh, but what they’re saying, they’re just doing the best they can with what they know at nine years old, it’s okay. I couldn’t see that then, but now I can see it, and so now I have compassionate on a situation because I understand they did the best they could at nine with what they need.
Arlene Gale: Right. All right, well, wow, there’s brilliance in that Kevin. There is really, did you know that? It is great. It is great. Well, we’re going to take a quick break, but we’re going to return in just a moment with Kevin Goins, Owning your Brilliance Academy, and we’re going to talk about two things, Kevin, so helped me be accountable to this. I want to talk about how do you teach authenticity, because that’s a big deal to you, but in my mind, I don’t know how you teach that. So we’re going to talk about that. I also want to talk about how do you teach brilliance to others through your Academy, and what you speak on. So if that’s okay with you, we’re going to take a break and we’ll be back in just a few minutes with Kevin Goins.
Welcome back everybody to Mindset Meets Mastery. My guest today is Kevin Goins of the Brilliance Leadership Academy. He is a brilliant coach, and before the break, we talked to Kevin about authenticity is really, really important to you, not only do you speak it, but I’ve heard you speak, and you exude it. So is it possible to teach someone to be authentic?
Kevin Goins: Absolutely. And I didn’t know that either because, let me tell you something, Arlene, growing up, I literally call myself the Tin Man. When I got called the A word authentic, I was like, Who? Me? No, I used to be called something else, but not that.
Arlene Gale: I hear you. I’ve been called a lot of other things besides authentic too.
Kevin Goins: So here’s the fastest way to be authentic. If you ever watch a movie, movies are always so wonderful things in the beginning, Oh, life is great. And then all of a sudden there was a turn, and it kind of gets really bad. Then we find ourselves rooting for the main character, and then they come back out in some kind of waiting. But usually, when they win, it’s a little modified. Now they’ve gone through life, they’ve gone through some things, but I got a little scar and they may be beat up a little bit, could even be lost. But on the other side, they have a greater gravity and a greater gratitude for life, and the fact that they overcome. So they call that in movie, they call it the hero’s journey. So even when you just announced, when you talk about all the great things I’m doing, but there was the first thing I did, I jumped right down to when it wasn’t always like that.
Arlene Gale: Right.
Kevin Goins: So being authentic is showing vulnerability with a little skill, humility, and literally candor. So the people can see, Oh, wait a minute. Yeah, he’s a coach, but he doesn’t mind telling people, Oh, man, he was bullied. What? You? Yeah, that was me. And you’re telling me you weren’t a life at a party all the time? I would say, God, what his hand over his mouth looking, going, when is this going to be over? This is hell for me. This is social skills. I’m sorry. And so, when you can share some of that stuff with passionate truth and conviction, but then you’re not vomiting all over everybody, but you’re just telling, but you know what? Here’s what happened when I learned this. And then you begin to share quickly, when did I learn how to love myself, how to be with myself, and how to look inside and say, all right, life happens, now what are we going to do? With that power, that candor, vulnerability, and your own unique ability, that shows authenticity just like that. And now you’re relatable and you’re not this person going, I am this person? And I that, and I speak, and I coach, and I am everything. Everything other than, no, you human too. And let me see a little of your stuff so I can see myself in you.“Being authentic is showing vulnerability with little skill, but with humility and kindness” –Kevin Goins Click To Tweet
Arlene Gale: Right.
Kevin Goins: Arlene, here’s what I know. Your audience, your clients, whoever you’re helping, they’re not at the top with you. They’re down below waiting on somebody to walk there with them and show them the way out, that’s what I do. And when I do that, that’s when I hear the word authentic. That’s when I hear the word Oh, my God, you’re relatable. That’s what I hear. thank God, somebody doesn’t mind really being real and taking off their super cape and showing me they’re not perfect either. That’s how you go get your clients, and that’s how people come to you.
Arlene Gale: Well, and we have so much in common in that way because that’s what I tell people when they’re writing their books is you have to be authentic. You have to share the good, the bad, and the ugly, and some of the even worse stuff than that because people don’t want to read or learn from somebody who’s perfect. If you’re perfect, you got nothing to teach me cause you’ve never been down in the ditch where I’ve been. So those are the kinds of books I think people want to read. They’re harder to write, but I think they resonate and they connect with people on a whole different level, on a more powerful level.“You have to share the good, the bad, and the ugly, because people don’t want to learn from somebody who’s perfect.” –Arlene Gale Click To Tweet
Kevin Goins: And when you add in WE, that’s something else, that’s another technique when you’re speaking. Now you add it, and you know what? Here we go right here, there was a time in my life when it was not the best for me. I was not exactly sure who I was because of the labels they gave me. WE, often have the tendency when it happens. We sometimes say we’re not enough. We, sometimes wonder cannot make it. If I wrote the book, would they buy from me? Has it ever been something that you’ve experienced when you’re in a situation and you didn’t believe in you?
Arlene Gale: Right.
Kevin Goins: What I just did, I also brought in WE, and I’ve asked you about yourself as well.
Arlene Gale: Exactly. Well, and the other part of authenticity, the other side of that authenticity coin, and I’d like to get some comment or feedback from you on that, PEOPLE KNOW they may not be able to put the word on what they’re feeling, but people know when you speak to them, if you are being authentic or not.
Kevin Goins: Yes, yes, we’re human beings, beings having a human experience, and there is NOTHING that can actually HIDE authenticity. I know you’d be in real, you feel when people are real, and you know when they’re not. And so, one of the things I show people is how to actually tap into your own first. Because if you can do that with passion, do that with conviction, be loud when it requires it, and also be fault if you’d be amazed, when you do that, then other people can begin and not only see you, then they begin to see themselves in you, and now you’re taking them on a journey together. So you’re winning strong as one.
Arlene Gale: I always like to say we’re better together. So you know, I can’t bring you up to my level if you don’t understand that I’ve been where you are now. I can’t help you to get where you want to be if I’ve never been where you are. And maybe I have, and it’s how I communicate that that is real and honest, that will then make your customer, or the person, your friend, your family member, whoever it is that you’re trying to be real with in pulling all those pieces together that make the connections, make everybody win.
Kevin Goins: And here’s what I say, if we can imagine a timeline with 0 all the way to 10, when I started, and I was bullied, I was at zero. Okay, at some point, I decided to go ahead and pick myself up, and then I got a coach, and all of a sudden I found myself at five or six. I studied hard and all of a sudden I have seven. When I go back and help other people, I’ve jumped back down into where I was once too because they maybe around too, because I’m realizing we’re all one, and my job is to see them. And if I can’t see a person, the question I asked myself, when was there a time, Kevin, when you did that or something similar because then if you can relate to them, now I can see them a little more clearly and then they can see me too. So then, I’ll take them from a two, and we walk hand in hand to three or four as comfortable as they can, and that they need to pause for a moment, that’s fine. Cause let me get on up here to eight or nine, and keep running and doing what I need to do, and then I can run back cause it’s the same human being on the same continuum. It’s just what part of the journey are we on.
Arlene Gale: So as the brilliance coach, and that’s probably not your official title, but that’s what I like to call you. What is your official title?
Kevin Goins: The Brilliance Leadership Expert. But I kind of liked the brilliance coach, that’s kind of fun.
Arlene Gale: Okay. I like it because I think you’re brilliant. So now that you have discovered your brilliance, how do you teach others? What does it mean to own your own brilliance?
Kevin Goins: Well, [inaudible]. If people want to work with me that way in person, now making some online courses and speaking. So what it looks like is this, when I go into audiences or even organizations, the main thing we’re looking at is how a person completely unlocks THIS, and what I mean by this, is themselves. And when this is completely unlocked, then how do we now begin to navigate the waters and be with each other? Okay, when it comes to, I’ve got this, two are coming up with some schools this next year, when it look like owning their brilliance, what I noticed when I interviewed, most of them kind of look can and the same person, so I teach them how to unpack, and begin to take different words, and show who they are, and ask certain questions so that people can see who they are uniquely and individually in addition to schooling. When you do that, it’s easy to get the job, easy to get promoted. When it’s an organization, if you really want to show people how to run through a brick wall just because you spoke, is using that same type of technique as your leader. When you would a leader, trust me when I say, there is a time when you probably came in in three levels. There was a time when you were on your way up to getting promoted. So your staff know that cause they’re down there. So again, don’t be the one always at the top, just throwing out deadlines on occasion, get down there with the team and walk it out. If it’s a struggle or is a deadline? People love to see you roll your sleeves up and get down there with them. Or even if you bring them in your office, Hey, I understand, it looks like we’re not always where we really want to be. But I remember when I was like that as well. So tell me, how can I help you? Where are we stuck? So as you’re that leader, who’s getting down with the people, and walking them out, and then helping them a lot to see their own brilliance, they will say, you know what? I got another 30 minutes to an hour, I’ll be home a little bit later because they believe in you now. It’s not the company or the job, it’s you. When they can see you, they buy into you.“When they see you being authentic , they’re going to buy into you.”-Kevin Goins Click To Tweet
Arlene Gale: Awesome. I mean, that’s just awesome. I can’t add anything to that, that’s brilliant, Kevin. So instead, what I’m going to do is I’m going to put you on the hot seat.
Kevin Goins: Okay.
Arlene Gale: So much for my mature side. So you’re ready for the hot seat?
Kevin Goins: Okay, I’m ready.
Arlene Gale: All right, well here it comes. Give us one example, and don’t go back to bullying cause we’ve already talked about that. So I’m adding extra rules just for you, an example of something in your personal or professional life, a mindset that hindered you from being able to make this life choice, to become the brilliance coach.
Kevin Goins: Oh, God. I have one now. There was one time I was fired. I had been laid off or even fired because you didn’t know the rules. Watch this, now because of who I am, I’ve always had this ability, unique ability to really shine and be. But at my detriment, I always had the ability, could you read a little of the details so you don’t break any of the company rules. And what happened in this pharmacy, I want you to imagine, they were around, we’ll give them a grade, around 76 took them all the way to 94 which is from customer service, and an F to an A, and on that day that number came out, I was being walked out the door.
Arlene Gale: Wow.
Kevin Goins: What do you do when you’re giving everything you’ve got, and they’re saying, I’m sorry, the label they gave you as a kid being bullied you’re not enough, well, you’re not enough here in this company either. Oh, my God, it killed me. And what happened was this, I knew we needed some help. So I had a friend who was a teacher, but she was PHENOMENAL in customer service skills. And I had to come in and work with us. And I did not ask for permission because I was SO EXCITED ABOUT, I can see, if I can get this skillset, this skillset, this skillset, man, we had configuration one, when customers come, configuration two, we knew how to jump through the drought two and took the minimum seven minutes down to two minutes, we had a contest, all kinds of stuff. We posted this test. The people were so excited they were working left and right. And guess what? I let my friend pass a point that a company said, which I didn’t even think about, no one should go past this point cause if they do they could see parts of your information, it’s just not okay. And because of that breach ops of not looking at my detail, I was let go. I came home, I was devastated. I wouldn’t answer the phone. My mom called and said: “If you don’t get that phone (held up for two weeks) I’m coming to Dallas, I’m going to come find you. Pick up the phone and call me now and tell me what’s happening.” A man provides, what do you do when life says you’re not good enough again? But yeah, you’re really are. You just broke a rule cause you were being crazy and didn’t understand integrity things at the company. But I’m like, Oh, my God, I was giving everything I’ve got. Yeah, but you did it the wrong way.
Arlene Gale: Yeah.
Kevin Goins: So I finally found a way to pull myself out, and I heard a sermon and all I heard in this sermon, this man said: “I’m a good person. I made a mistake. I’m a good person. I made a mistake.” And that right there began to free me from that depression in that anguish that I had of how could you be so stupid? I’m a good person. I made a mistake. And every time they looked all come on, how could you be so dumb, and so crazy? — I’m a good person. I made a mistake. And from that intention, I began to bring in a real life. It rains on good people. It rains on bad people. God forbid. Even in our town in 9/11 when that thing crashed, there were good people in there, there could have been bad people, middle people, all of us. When that thing happened, it just happened to everybody. And it showed me that when life happens, it just happens to everybody. So what are you going to do now that that’s over and you’re still here. Now what? That’s what brilliance is all about. That brilliance of NOW WHAT? What are we going to do with what’s left?“I’m a good person, I made a mistake.” –Kevin Goins Click To Tweet
Arlene Gale: Yup. What’s next? And yay mama, you got a good one there. So the next hot seat question is, what is one mindset that you really hold onto now that helps you in mastering the direction that you’re headed?
Kevin Goins: The mindset is, what comes up for you. That is EVERYTHING to me. Watches people. When you are in a position and you had these labels, I mean, let’s keep it real. It could be do the force and he’s saying, you’re not good enough. You don’t clean like she does. It can be in marriage. It could be in ANYTHING, with family, maybe mom and dad growing up, they didn’t have the Brady bunch either. Maybe they said, guy, you have never met [inaudible]. You always, whatever they think is, those are what I’ll call the outside triggers. And what happened and what happened to me, and got me stuck for years and decades, I kept looking at what they did to me. God, why did you let this happen to me? Why did things happen, that’s not fair. And guess what? When you ask a WHY ME question, you will get an answer that can keep you stuck, because you weren’t good enough, because you should have done this, because you didn’t do, and all of a sudden those answers are disempowering because we’re not asking better questions. When I finally stopped saying that and saying, okay, fine, all this happen outside of me, now what? I usually now look at when something happens, especially outside trigger, what comes up for me? How do I really feel? So I’ll give you an example. Sometimes even at the pharmacy working really hard, Oh, my God, the phones are ringing, the things are happening, people are making mistakes, I got to fix this mistakes to keep people happy I will be filling prescriptions, everything is happening, and my heart is going crazy, and I can feel the heart coming up. Just breathing and asking, what’s coming up for you? Do you like your heart meeting outside of this chase? Do you like the fact that all these things are happening that you can’t control, and what can you do? So in that moment I find myself, Oh, yeah, let me check in with my heart. And I started breathing deeply and — slowly because what’s coming up from me is stress. And if I don’t like what’s coming up inside, how do I change so that I can get a different response? Same thing about the past. When somebody did something to you or hurt you, what’s coming up inside of you? And do you like what you see? And do you like what you feel? And what can you do about what you can change? And how you reframe what comes up for you? Because if you can change it, and see it, and reframe it, then you can have a different psychosomatic response in a body and a different life that you manifest in your action.
Arlene Gale: It’s about developing a habit, right? So it sounds hard right now, but leave people with this negative wisdom. You know, reframing starts out hard, but did it get easier and easier for you?
Kevin Goins: Oh, my gosh. Let me tell you, I just had something that happened the other day, and I was grateful and I said, you know what? The most grateful thing I am now, to get the experience happen because I didn’t like it, it seemed unfair, and life happens. I said: “But you know what? I’m so grateful because the revelation it took me almost 30 years with this one part with the career, and so many years was this, this revelation came in a matter of two weeks.” I said, so I’m getting better and better because I’m constantly practicing the reframing muscle, which means, I’ll call it Starbucks with life. I’m sitting with Starbucks with life, I got my coffee cup, life has this coffee cups with klinky, and I’m sitting there going, all right, take yourself out of the energetic feeling of, Oh, my God, I can’t believe this happened. Get out to all of that stuff. We’re in Starbucks and we’re chilling, going, I’m Kevin, this happened, how do you feel? And what do you want to do about it? Now in Starbucks with life, you can’t have any energy. There can be no, I can’t believe, there’s no blaming. All you’re doing is looking at you in the frame of your life, and you’re seeing what’s happening, and how you did respond and say, do I like what I’ve seen is so cool? Cause that right there is what’s getting me out of things more faster. Now I’ll look at it, Oh, my God, every time something happens, I’ve got a great story to tell. So I’m adding those things that happened in your life is now my stories of what I share as I coach and I speak.“When you ask the, ‘Why me?’ question, you will get an answer that can keep you stuck.” –Kevin Goins Click To Tweet
Arlene Gale: That’s awesome. So Kevin, as we wrap this up, because we need to move on to discovering our own brilliance, will you tell people how they can find your website, connect with you on social media, because I know that people are gonna want more of the encouragement and authenticity that you offer. So how can they find you?
Kevin Goins: Okay, they can find me on a website, @brillianceleadershipacademy.com. that’s the first way. And there, if you scroll to the bottom at a home page, that’s why I gave you seven tips on your own brilliance. So you can actually just put your information in there, email it out to you. Or now if you go on Facebook, Kevin Goins, I am going to be on a Facebook, there are three or four Kevin Goins, I’m the guy with the yellow shirt, I’d seen it come up at the top because I put up tons of [inaudible]. So I’ve got a yellow sweater on with these other white earbuds, smiling at you going, yeah, this is Kevin, I’m here. So yeah, you can find me that way. Or you can find Kevin Goins speak, or even LinkedIn, I’m out there.
Arlene Gale: Thank you so much, Kevin, for being on Mindset Meets Mastery today. It’s always fun to talk to you, and I always learn so much. So thank you again for your time.
Kevin Goins: It’s my honor and pleasure to serve in this. Thank you so much for having me, Arlene.
Arlene Gale: You are very welcome. And listeners, I want to leave you with this this week, “Do not let the world dictate your story. Be mindful of the stories that you tell yourself about what is or is not possible for you. Because after all, you get to choose how you write your own story every day and in every way.”